


New Shores

by orphan_account



Series: Restless Seas [1]
Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Johnny's Jr.
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-07-07
Packaged: 2017-12-17 23:54:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/873353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, you need new people in your life, to forget the wounds of the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Shores

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! First HokkuJesse fanfiction, a yay for that! :D It has been planned for ages, and now I finally came so far that it's ready to be posted ^^y
> 
> This is going to be a series of two one-shot, and the sequel is going to be about another pairing... Open secret who it will be haha feel free to guess :P 
> 
> Anyways, hope you will enjoy it! 
> 
> And also, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who gave me encouraging comments about the stealing issue I adressed in the author notes of my last update! It really gave me strength, and I'm trying my best to just ignore that comment from now on and move on.
> 
> Okay, enough talk. On with the story :)

Hokuto’s POV

The day Sexy Zone’s debut was announced had been the worst day of my life. There was no exaggeration to it, or no milder way to say it – it had been the worst day ever. The news had crushed me so much that I had spent the day locked in my room, crying to myself and ignoring every call, cursing my fate and Johnny himself (even though I had told Kento and Fuma later that I had merely suffered from a sudden headache and had slept. No need for them to feel even worse...).

B.I. Shadow had been something like a home to me. A family I could always return to, who would watch me grow up with fond eyes and forgive my mistakes. A place I had always felt warmth in; a place I felt that I belonged to. 

And suddenly, this place had been taken away from me. Just like that. 

Nakajima Kento had been like a big brother to me – when I had joined the group 2009 as the youngest, he had been the one who had taken it upon himself to help me with the lyrics and the dance steps, and to make sure I would find my way into the group.

And Kikuchi Fuma… He had just been special, somehow. I did not know why, but I had felt attracted to him from the moment I met him. He had been this shiny creature to me, with this amazing voice and all his abilities in dance and vocals… At first, I had felt shy and awkward around him, and Fuma had taken a pleasure in teasing me until I had shed my skin and opened up to him after some time. 

Still, Fuma had always stayed special to me, even after B.I. Shadow had ceased to exist. 

It had been Yugo, who had saved me from falling into a deep hole of depression afterwards. He had been hit just as badly as me, of course, being left behind just the way I had been, but somehow, Yugo had always been more mature than me, and more positive. 

After the news, the first time we met was for the recording of a new Shounen Club episode. Yugo had greeted me in an incredibly good mood, totally opposing my dark one, and when I had exasperatedly asked him: “How can you be so cheerful?!” his smile had only weakened a little, before he had murmured: “Kento and Fuma will pass by later. Do you want to spoil their moment? We should be happy for them, not make them feel guilty.”

And I realized, of course, that he was right. Kento and Fuma were our friends, and by showing them how much their debut without us hurt me… It would hurt them, too. 

So I collected all my strength to put on a smile when they finally showed up. I was just going to call out my congratulations to them when suddenly, I had Fuma’s arms around me and his face buried in my neck. Past him, I could see Kento bowing down, his hair hiding the tears in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry” he whispered, before either Yugo or I could say anything. “We really had no idea.”

“Stop it!” Yugo said indignantly, grabbing Kento’s shoulder to pull him up, and pushing at Fuma’s. “Both of you!”

“Exactly” I murmured, my arms encircling Fuma’s waist more out of reflex than anything else. I could feel him shaking slightly. “You should be happy. You’re going to debut. That’s what you always wanted, right?”

“But I wanted to debut with you” Fuma whispered, barely audible. “Not with some stupid 11-year-olds I don’t even know.”

“Now, now” Yugo murmured, shaking his shoulder again. “They are supposed to be really talented. And I met Sato Shori once, and he’s really nice…”

“Still, they are not you” Kento murmured, head down. 

“It’s not like we’re not going to meet outside work!” Yugo continued consoling them, looking to me for help. “We are going to stay friends. Right?”

“Exactly” I nodded, patting Fuma’s back helplessly. “Now cheer up, I never saw you crying before!”

“I’m not crying” Fuma murmured idly, but he had to gulp hard before he let go of me, and he did not meet my eyes, instead focusing my shoulder. 

“Well, that’s good, then” Yugo teased, smirking at him. “Because your fans might think something is terribly wrong when you come out like this, all bleary-eyed and ugly.”

Fuma turned back to snap at him, and I had to smile, despite me feeling the need to cry myself, thinking that I would never be performing with those two again. 

It took until the end of the year for my luck to make a turn for the better again: When I was casted for the drama Shiritsu Bakaleya Koukou, I expected a chance to prove myself as an actor, even though I was worried if a cooperation of Johnny’s Entertainment and AKB48 would have any success at all.

What I did not expect, though, was to find a new home for myself. It was like Morimoto Shintaro, Tanaka Juri, Kyomoto Taiga and Lewis Jesse were the missing puzzle pieces Yugo and I had needed, though we had already given up on finding them. 

When Kento had been like my older brother, Shintaro turned out to be like a younger one – he had this adorable awkwardness about him that reminded me a little bit of myself when I joined B.I. Shadow, and it drew me to him from the moment I met him. 

Juri I had already met on some former occasions, and he was just someone who was hard to dislike – his overwhelming good mood and his affectionate manner won me over without much effort. 

Taiga impressed me a lot with his professionalism. It felt like he had exactly the seriousness the group needed to find back to work in time when our playfulness ran away with us. We had not even become a band yet when he had already become our leader, if only inofficial.

And then, there was Jesse. He had been the one I had needed longest to appreciate – when we had met, he had been awfully shy, only really opening up to Juri, who he had been in one band with before. Then it was Yugo, who got him to open up a little because of the closeness of their roles. 

Jesse needed some time, to be able to relax and feel safe in our group, but when he did, step by step, I felt myself becoming more and more fascinated by him. His surprising humor that sometimes surfaced in the most unexpected situations, his catching laugh, his subtle affectionate manners… 

I did not even realize how much I came to grow fond of him until it hit me right in the face the moment we were supposed to say goodbye. 

It was when the last drama scene had been shot, and everyone got their flowers and spoke their thanks, that I realized that all of this was only a temporary unit _again_. That no matter how fond I had grown of these guys, each one of them, we were going to be torn apart again… As cruel as it was. 

I would not be near anymore every time Shin needed help. I would not hear Juri’s ever-talking voice every day from now on. Taiga would not scold us to go back to work with his affectionate manner. 

And I would not see Jesse’s smile anymore each time I came to work. 

Before I knew it, I found myself in a sobbing fit which none of the guys, most of them close to tears themselves, seemed to be able to stop. I just felt that my life was so freaking unfair. That every time I got attached to someone, fate would tear them away from me again.

But then, the movie was announced, and I felt that maybe, fate was still kind sometimes, after all. Everyone was ecstatic to come back to the set again, and, if possible, we knew now to treasure the bonds the six of us had formed even more. 

“Let us enjoy this as much as we can” Yugo had told me once with a smile. “Who knows what will happen after the movie is out of the cinema.” 

And I took his advice to heart, and enjoyed my time with them as much as I could. And before I knew it, the one I found myself most attached to was actually Jesse. We spent so much time together that I started to discover a new side to him each day.

Contrary to his cool image in Bakaleya, he was actually quite a soft person. Sensitive to the point that he took everything to heart, even if he did not always show it. 

Even if he was a little shy when you first met him, he could be as loud as Juri when he felt comfortable with you. His hyperness and his humor were so charming that I tried my best to bring it out each time I could. 

And apart from that, Jesse was an incredibly loyal friend. In some more serious moments between us, he had told me that he was just as scared that our not-yet-official unit was to be broken apart again as me. 

It was good to know that this feeling of safety inside our group was something mutual, and not something only I was imagining.

I felt so at home with Jesse and the others that I stopped cursing fate for creating Sexy Zone. I could be honestly happy for everything Kento and Fuma archived with their new band, and stopped missing them all the time. 

It was only when I was confronted with both worlds all of a sudden, that my feelings for Fuma started to resurface again, leaving me in my old confusion. 

One of those days was the Johnny’s Countdown 2012-2013. Everyone but Kento was too young to actually participate, so we all squeezed together in the VIP section, enjoying the show and cheering for those of us who could perform. 

First, Jesse and I had sat together, having our own fun in the middle of all the people, like we usually had. And then, Fuma turned up, ecstatic to see me, and squeezing in between Jesse and me so closely that he was almost sitting on my lap.

And while I was incredibly happy about Fuma’s attention, though it made my heart throb a little with the feelings I could not deal with, I could not help but notice that Jesse turned very quiet after Fuma’s appearance.

I should have seen the conversation coming after that. It was only a matter of time. And really, only after a few days, when the two of us went for dinner together after work, Jesse began fussing, suddenly, uncharacteristically nervous for a moment with only the two of us included. 

I watched him act strangely for a few minutes, before I asked finally: “Jesse, what’s wrong?”

Jesse froze, sighing, playing with the straw in his coke.

“It’s nothing much” he murmured, frowning.

“Just spit it out” I demanded, his nervousness making me feel on edge, too. 

Jesse took a deep breath, before saying, very quickly: “Is there anything going on between you and Kikuchi Fuma?” 

I could not help my reaction – I almost knocked over my own glass, blushing a dark scarlet color. It made Jesse backtrack, murmuring: “Sorry, forget I asked, I just-“

“Am I being obvious?” I could not help but ask, seriously concerned. 

Jesse looked at me in surprise for a moment, because yeah, my question alone was as good as a confession, and then shook his head. 

“No, that’s not it” he said finally, a little carefully, as if he was choosing his words well. “It’s just… We spent a lot of time together recently. I could tell that something was different when Fuma was there the other day.”

I sighed, running a hand through my hair in frustration. Jesse looked at me expectantly, until finally, I started talking.

“Well, it’s not like there is really anything _going on_ between us” I clarified, and I could not have wiped the slight disappointment out of my voice even if I wanted to. “It’s just… I’ve been having this… crush, you could say. For quite some time now. He does not know, of course, but…”

“Maybe you should tell him” Jesse suggested, his voice quiet, and his face hard to read, for someone who was usually as transparent to me as a shop window. “He seemed very into you at the countdown.”

“He was just happy to see someone of his old band” I shook my head quickly. “He is not feeling very at home in Sexy Zone. As much as he and Kento try to stick together, he is still very attached to B.I. Shadow. This is why he was so glad to see me.”

“I don’t think that’s all” Jesse frowned, but before he could say more, I said: “You don’t know him as long as me, that’s all. Fuma is not interested in me.”

“If you think so” Jesse murmured, though he seemed not convinced. It was something else that bothered me, though.

“You are not… surprised?” I asked carefully. “About me being gay, I mean.”

Jesse smiled a little, as if the question was ironic to him. 

“Let’s say I have a sensor for that kind of thing” he said airily. 

I watched his face for another few seconds before his words sank in and I understood their meaning completely.

“What?!” I gasped, shocked. “You-?!”

“Yes” Jesse nodded finally, taking a sip of his drink. 

“I had no idea” I said honestly, blinking.

“Well, at least that means I’m discreet” he chuckled. 

“But that’s good!” I smiled, unfittingly excited. “That means I finally have someone to talk to about… things, you know! I mean, Yugo knows about my feelings, but other than that… It’s nice to have someone who understands, right?”

“I guess” Jesse chuckled, not quite meeting my eyes, but I wrote that down to his usual shyness. 

“So, do you like someone?” I prodded. 

Jesse made a face, looking thoughtful.

“I’m… not sure” he said finally. “There is someone I’m thinking about, but I’m not sure where it’s going yet.”

“You want to talk about it?” I checked.

“No” Jesse sighed, smiling at me. “But I’ll tell you when I know what’s going on.”

“Okay” I nodded, satisfied with that, for now. “I’ll listen” I promised. 

Jesse smiled, taking a sip of his drink, and changing the subject. 

After this talk of ours, if possible, we got even closer. It was nice, to have someone of whom you had nothing to hide. Even when it came to Yugo, I had always been reluctant to really show what I was feeling, because seriously, even if people listened and said that they understood – if they were not in the same position, they could never _really_ understand. Plus, Yugo had always seemed awfully uncomfortable when it had come to my feelings for Fuma. 

And even when Jesse sometimes seemed a little uncomfortable with our conversations, too, I could tell that this was coming from his own inner fight. He never told me much about it, only once, when I had asked, telling me that he was not very happy with the feelings he was developing, and was trying his best not to think about them. And because it was something I could understand oh-so-well, I did not prod. 

Once or twice, Jesse suggested again for me to just tell Fuma about my feelings.

“I really, really think that he feels something for you, too” he murmured to me that one time after we had passed Fuma in the corridor, and he had almost jumped me in his enthusiasm to get to me. “You should not be angsting over it so much.”

And while I still disagreed with him over this, I really appreciated the support he was giving me. 

Also, for a while, I really considered confessing, thanks to Jesse’s encouragement… But every time I imagined it, it just felt _wrong_. I could not put my finger on it, but something about telling Fuma that I liked him seemed like a huge mistake that would change everything. And while I had always thought that us going out would be a good change, by now… I was not so sure anymore. Because yes, I was really attracted to Fuma, and I liked him a lot… But would we really make a good couple?

Suddenly, I found myself thinking that we would probably not. I did not know where those thoughts came from – maybe I was only overthinking everything too much again, like I tended to – but it kept me from making that final step that Jesse wanted me to do. 

It wasn’t until other problems came up, even if they were not my own, that I stopped pondering about it. 

“My grades have been going down since I became busy with drama roles and such” Jesse confessed to me that one day at Shounen Club rehearsals, seeming depressed. 

“I guess that’s normal” I tried to console him, moving closer to him, bumping his shoulder. “You really _are_ awfully busy lately. It’s not easy to balance school and work at the same time. I can relate.”

“Yeah, but you’re already as good as out of high school” Jesse sighed, ruffling his sweaty hair in frustration. “I’m not. And my Mum is down my back, threatening me to talk to my manager to cut down my work if I don’t do better in the finals next month.”

“She can’t do that!” I said, slightly alarmed. “Your career is just starting off! If you step back now, then it will be all worth nothing!”

“I know” he groaned. “That’s why I’m so worried! I’m using all my free time to study these days, but some things are just… I’ve never been good at maths, for example, or science. And lately, Japanese is becoming harder, and I just – it’s so frustrating. I don’t know how to keep up.”

“How about I help you?” I suggested, and Jesse looked up at me hopefully. 

“But… you are busy yourself, aren’t you?” he said hesitantly. “With the entrance exams for universities and such…”

“You said it yourself, I’m already as good as through that” I waved it off. “And we can still sit down and study together, and I just help you whenever you don’t understand anything.” Jesse looked like he was going to protest again, but I cut him off, saying: “From tomorrow on, we’ll just meet at the library of our school for an hour each day. It’s not much, but maybe it helps.”

“Thank you” Jesse smiled, looking so grateful that it made me feel uncomfortable.

“That’s what friends are for, right?” I shrugged, poking him into his ribs. “Plus, I’ve kind of become fond of you. And due to former experience, I’m sensitive about losing work partners, if you didn’t know yet.” 

Jesse laughed, and I wondered if he even realized how honest my words had been. Losing Jesse, at this point, would hurt just as much as losing Fuma and Kento did. Sometimes it scared me, but then, again, it was not like I could change what I was feeling.

Our group had started to be split apart by the management more and more, but somehow, Jesse and I had remained. And even if I missed our old Bakaleya constellation desperately sometimes, I would try my best to at least stay together with Jesse for as long as I could. And that not only because our chemistry on stage was unbeatable.

So for the last few weeks before the finals, Jesse and I started to work together. And while it surely was an additional workload I had to my own, it was kind of fun, too – it was cute, to see Jesse all worked up and frustrated, cursing about the Japanese language and the Chinese for inventing Kanji. 

And it seemed to me like we were getting somewhere. Even if Jesse became increasingly frustrated and nervous the closer the finals got, I felt like it was really helping him to study with me. So I tried my best to become his strength.

And so we worked all the way through, until his first and most feared exam, Japanese, was only a day away. Jesse was an emotional wreck by now, and as much as I tried to comfort him, it seemed to do no good.

“This afternoon we will go through the material once more” I promised as we walked through the corridors of the NHK hall before the Shounen Club filming of the day. “But you know the stuff, Jesse. Stop worrying yourself senselessly.”

Jesse was about to reply something, when suddenly, I was tackled by a far too familiar figure.

“Hokuto!” Fuma whined, clinging to me like a giant leech. “I’ve been waiting for you to come over and see me all day! Where have you been?!”

I blinked, frowning at him, before I remembered what day it was today. 

“Ah!” I called in embarrassment, looking at him with wide eyes. “I’m sorry! Happy Birthday!”

“I can’t believe you forgot” Fuma glared. “You are such a bad friend.”

I could not believe I had forgotten it myself, I thought incredulous, even if I could hardly say it out loud. I was kept from saying anything more when Yugo passed by, hitting Fuma on the back of his head and scolding: “Be understanding, will you?! He’s helping Jesse a lot lately! His exams are coming up!”

“Yeah, I’m sorry” I sighed. “I will make it up to you.”

“Good” Fuma smirked. “Kento and Yugo invited me out for some karaoke after the show. You want to come along?”

My heart sank, and I looked at Jesse hesitantly. He looked a little resigned, at first, but smiled when he realized I was looking, saying quickly: “It’s okay. Go. I’ll be fine on my own.”

“But-“ I started to protest, before Jesse gave me a stern look, nodding to Fuma, and my words died in my throat. 

“So you’re coming?” Fuma checked, looking from me to Jesse with a frown.

“I guess” I said quietly, and Fuma smiled brightly, in the way that usually had me feel all giddy inside. Today, it had nothing of that effect. It did nothing against the slightly sick feeling of guilt that I felt at the thought of leaving Jesse alone when he needed me the most.

“Are you really sure it’s okay?” I checked with Jesse after the show when we were packing our things.

“Yes” Jesse nodded. “Just go. Kikuchi-Kun wants you there with him, you heard him. This is your chance.”

“Will you just stop with that?” I murmured, but Jesse just shouldered his back, sending me a smile that did not quite reach his eyes. “Good luck!” he said, waving before turning for the door.

I looked after him, feeling sicker than ever.

I could not shake off the feeling even when I was gathered with my old band again, everyone in a bright mood, out for celebration. I tried my best to smile and pay attention to what was going on around me, but my thoughts stayed with Jesse all the time. 

What was this about? I was with Fuma, the one I had been harboring feelings for these past few years, and yet, it felt so wrong, and I kept remembering Jesse’s face all the time. 

It was Yugo, who picked up on my mood first, of course.

“When is Jesse’s first exam?” he asked me quietly, when Fuma and Kento were bickering about which song to choose. 

“Tomorrow” I murmured, and Yugo made a face. There was another moment of silence between us, in which Fuma stole the console from Kento to type in some KAT-TUN song. 

“Do you want to be with him?” Yugo said finally, looking straight at me. It made Kento and Fuma look up as well, everyone’s gaze zooming in on my face.

I looked into the round nervously, before making a face and nodding, at last. 

“It’s just, he’s really nervous” I murmured. “He needs someone now.”

“Then why are you here?” Yugo scoffed. “Go!”

I bit my lip, looking at Fuma. He sighed, looking resigned as he put the console back on the table, song unchosen. 

“Is it okay?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah, sure” Fuma shrugged, nodding to the door. “I guess this is more important, after all.”

“I’m sorry” I said, grabbing my bag. “I swear I’ll make it up to you sometime.”

“Yeah” Fuma sighed, smiling despite himself. “Tell Lewis if he does not get a hundred percent, I will hunt him down!”

I chuckled, waving at them before storming out of the room.

It took me about half an hour until I reached the house of Jesse’s family, ringing the doorbell. His sister was the one to open, looking at me with a sigh of relief.

“Thank god” she groaned. “Now I can leave him to you. He was driving me _insane_!”

“Sorry for being late!” I grinned, and she stepped aside to let me in. 

“He is up in his room, brooding over books, only coming down every 10 minutes to snap at me” she informed me, and I smirked and nodded, quickly removing my shoes and hurrying up the stairs on my own, by now having been here often enough to find the way to Jesse’s room by myself. 

When I reached the door and knocked, the response I got was an annoyed groan and the squealing of a chair moving over the wooden floor as Jesse called: “I swear, if this is not important-“

And then he opened the door, freezing in his movements when he saw my face.

“Hokuto?!” he asked incredulous, and I smiled at him. “What are you doing here?” 

“I could not get into party mood” I said honestly, pushing him backwards by the shoulder so he would let me in. “I figured this is more important than Fuma’s birthday!”

“More important than _Fuma_ ’s birthday?!” he asked incredulous as I closed the door behind me. “What are you saying?!”

“I don’t know” I sighed, rolling my eyes because I _really_ did not know what was going on with me lately. I just knew that I wanted to be with Jesse today. Whatever that meant. “I don’t know, but you are just more important to me than Fuma today, and that’s it!” 

Jesse looked at me with that expression on his face that I found so hard to read, and I was going to push past him to get to his desk and his books when suddenly, his arms were around me.

“Jesse?” I gasped in surprise. “What-?”

“I like you!” Jesse blurted out, making me freeze. “I tried to fight against it because I knew you liked Kikuchi and that I did not stand a chance, but… if you say these things…”

Jesse was holding me even tighter, and my heart was beating so loudly in my ears that I had difficulties to think clearly. All the times that I had talked to Jesse about Fuma came back to me, and I imagined how he must have felt, hearing me talk about my feelings for someone else when he himself…

And all by themselves, my arms found their way around Jesse’s waist, hugging him back. 

I thought about all the things that had changed inside of me in the last few months. How confessing to Fuma had seemed more and more impossible, and how I enjoyed spending time with Jesse more than spending time with Fuma by now…

… Maybe, without noticing, my feelings had changed? Maybe the one that I wanted was not Fuma anymore, as I had kept on thinking. Maybe it was Jesse, after all. 

“I’m sorry” I said quietly, and Jesse froze, about to pull away, but I held him close, adding quickly: “ _No_ , I mean – I’m sorry that I kept on talking about Fuma all the time. If I had known…”

“But you didn’t know” Jesse reminded me, fisting the back of my shirt. “I did not want to admit it to myself, even, much less admit it to you. So it’s not your fault.”

“Still” I murmured, resting my forehead against his shoulder. “I kept thinking and talking about Fuma non-stop, as if talking myself into my feelings, when inside, I kind of knew… That my feelings were changing, somehow.”

“Changing?” Jesse whispered, and there was a moment of silence before he pulled away slightly, looking up at me in confusion. “Changing how?”

I gasped for air, not knowing how to say it.

“I enjoy being with you” I pointed out. “You make me feel good about myself. And I really like Fuma, but when I was with him, I was always hurting, and never actually feeling _happy_. With you, that’s different. I feel like _myself_ when I’m with you. I can let go of everything. And it’s… it’s so _nice_ , you know. I-“

I could not finish the sentence, though, because then, Jesse’s lips were on mine.

I closed my eyes and let myself just feel, feel Jesse all around me, the way his lips moved against mine, and the warmth that spread through my insides at our touch.

Yes. This feeling. It was not the nervousness and the butterflies and electricity that I had felt with Fuma. It was _different_ , but it felt so, so good, so much better than I could have ever imagined it would be…

My fingers knotted in Jesse’s hair and I held him in place, kissing him back properly. 

I felt Jesse shudder under my fingers as the tables turned, me taking over our kiss step by step, deepening it slowly, desperate to feel more of it. It was not my first kiss – back when my crush for Fuma had started to form, I had tried going out with a few girls, thinking that I was imagining things and that I was maybe just spending too much time with these guys, but those kisses had been fake and empty compared to what Jesse made me feel now. I felt every touch so deeply, all the way through my body, that it felt like a drug setting in. Like I got addicted from the first touch, and now, I was not sure if I could ever live without that feeling anymore. 

We pulled away only when air became a problem, and even then, I pulled Jesse into me, needing to feel him at least in some way. 

“You know what, Jesse?” I murmured after a while, smiling to myself as I nuzzled his neck. “I think that without noticing, I started to like you, too.”

Jesse gulped, not answering, holding onto me tightly. I brushed my hand through his hair, pulling it behind his ear to expose the skin of his face, making me able to gently kiss his temple and cheek. I enjoyed how Jesse shivered once again in response. 

“This is really nice” I chuckled, amazed by how content I felt just to hold Jesse like this.

“’Nice’ is an understatement” Jesse murmured, and I chuckled yet again, pulling away a little to be able to look into his face.

I had learned by now that Jesse’s shyness was an irremovable part of him which resurfaced now and then even if he had started to grow comfortable with you, like he could not help it. In B.I. Shadow I had been in a group of four people who had all possessed a certain degree of self-confidence and outgoingness, so Jesse’s insecurities had been something strange and new to me, something I had not been able to place at the start. But by now, I had learned to understand them, and even find them endearing. So when he did not meet my eyes at first when I looked at him, I just smiled, cupping his reddish cheeks to make him face me. 

“How long have you suffered silently about your feelings?” I asked Jesse quietly, and he made a face.

“Maybe for 3 months?” he shrugged.

I made a noise of disapproval, before stating firmly: “From nowon, no more secrets. Whatever it is, we’ll talk about it. Agreed?”

Jesse nodded, smiling slightly. 

“Good” I smiled back, catching his lips with mine again as if to seal the deal. 

Our kiss started out sweet and gentle, but then, Jesse started to make small noises that he did not seem to be able to suppress, little gasps and moans down in his throat, and I found it so enticing that I brought the kiss further and further, continuing to chase after them. 

It went on until Jesse started to lean onto me, apparently feeling weak in his knees, and while that felt so much like a total victory that I could not wipe the smirk off my lips, Jesse was still taller than me, so it made the position slightly uncomfortable.

So I maneuvered us over to the bed, which was kind of difficult because Jesse just wouldn’t stop kissing me, and when his knees finally hit the edge of his matrices, he tumbled down with a high squeal that cracked me up for a good minute.

Jesse looked up at me, all tousled and not amused at my sudden laughing fit, until he had enough and grabbed me by the waist, pulling me down with him.

“I’m new to the whole dating thing, but I’m quite sure it’s not the etiquette to laugh at people after you steal their first kisses” he stated, and I just _loved_ how he could blush more easily than the usual native Japanese due to his pale skin, making him look all embarrassed and adorable.

Over all this, I did not miss the important point of his statement, though.

“First kisses?” I enquired, quirking an eyebrow.

If possible, Jesse blushed an even darker red, murmuring a little exasperatedly: “Well, how many guys do you think I had the opportunity to kiss?!” There was a short silence, before he added, a little shocked: “How many did _you_ kiss?!”

“Guys? None” I shrugged, stating the truth, and Jesse nodded, seeming not sure whether to be reassured or alarmed by that statement. 

I decided that I did not want to get too much into the subject now, though, and leaned in to engage Jesse into another kiss. He was easily enough distracted, I was pleased to find out. Obviously, he had a weakness for it when I brushed my lips very lightly over his, or when I sucked on that point right behind his earlobe. 

It was only a year, but most of the time, you noticed that Jesse was just that tiny bit younger than me. And this was no exception, though his even bigger lack of experience compared to mine might have made it more noticeable. But it made it easy for me to grab the lead and just continue to drive Jesse insane with small touches and kisses, making me feel bold even despite the fact that this went far beyond everything I had ever done with girls. 

Jesse was breaking apart more and more under my attention, and I enjoyed every second of it. So it surprised me more than a little when Jesse murmured, even with his voice all breathy and weak: “I think I should continue studying.”

I looked up from where I had just been sucking his collarbone pointedly, raising an eyebrow. 

“Uhm, no” I just frowned, shaking my head. 

“But I have an exam tomorrow, and-“

“So the best thing we can do to release your tension is _distraction_ ” I stated firmly, and when Jesse was opening his mouth to protest again, I sneaked my hand down his stomach, palming his not-so-inconspicuous hard-on (well, it was hard to hide something like this when you were pressed up together on Jesse’s narrow bed) through his sweat pants. “Don’t tell me you don’t want to, because I will straight out laugh at you.”

Jesse gasped for air and his whole body tensed and it was just so _hot_ how he had to close his eyes for a moment and gulp before he could answer. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to” Jesse got out finally, his voice rough. “How can I _not_ want to when I fantasized about a moment like this so often that-“ he broke himself off in the middle of his sentence, obviously realizing that he had said the wrong thing when I started grinning. 

“You’ve fantasized about me?” I deadpanned, squeezing his hard-on under my fingers and making Jesse close his eyes again. “What did you fantasize about?”

“You don’t want me to actually dirty-talk now, do you?!” Jesse gasped, and when his eyes opened again, they were wide in panic. “Because I’m too much of a virgin to do _that_.”

“Oh, I’m as much of a virgin as you are, don’t worry about that” I smiled innocently. “I just want to know what you are thinking about, because I want to know all of your thoughts and-“

“Fuck off. You just like to see me embarrassed.”

I cracked up, because he was right, and Jesse’s glare made me realize only a few seconds later where my hand still was.

“Uhm, yeah” I cleared my throat, coming back to the subject at hand (pun not intended). “Well, if you want to, we can stop, but seeing that little problem you have here, that might be a little uncomfortable for you. _Or_ you could tell me what you want me to do. Your choice, really.”

“Ass” Jesse murmured, in English, and it made me laugh again, feeling proud of myself. I squeezed my hand down again, and Jesse threw his head back in pleasure, baring his throat for me to latch onto while I fingered him from head to base through the fabric. 

“You know” I murmured almost conversationally against his skin. “You just need to tell me what to do. It’s in your best interest. I will fulfill your every wish. Others would dream about such an opportunity.”

Jesse groaned and involuntarily rocked his hips up into my grip. I knew I had him. 

“What have you been thinking about?” I repeated, whispering it into his ear to make him shiver, continuing to coax him. “My hand where it is right now? Without the clothes?”

Jesse whimpered a little helplessly before just nodding.

“Oh come on, that’s boring. There’s gotta be more” I scolded, latching my lips back to the point just behind his earlobe, making Jesse whimper and murmur something incoherent.

“What?” I asked curiously, making him shiver as I whispered the words right into his ear. 

“Your… mouth…” Jesse gasped, gulping when I rubbed his tip. 

“My mouth?” I smiled, trying to gulp down that warm feeling that crawled up at the back of my neck because shush nerves, I had signed up for this. So I just continued teasing Jesse, because it made me actually feel calmer to see him embarrassed. “Where?”

“You are incredible” he groaned, and I smirked, kissing down his throat.

“My mouth where?” I repeated, murmuring the words against his skin. 

“Around my cock, you idiot!” he groaned, making me chuckle at his burst-out. “You are too much” he added with a sigh.

“And you love it” I smiled, looking up at him, and Jesse was all shades of red now, but he met my eyes and even smiled a little as he reached out to thread his fingers through my hair. 

“My fault to fall for such a tease” he returned and I could hear the affection in his voice, and it made me feel all warm and treasured inside. 

“So” I drawled, sneaking my free hand under his shirt, caressing the skin of his belly. “Shall we get going, then?”

Jesse blinked at me before his eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

“You want to actually _do_ it?!” he spluttered, and now, it was my turn to blush, if not as dark as Jesse.

“We have to start _somewhere_ ” I said airily, and while I very well knew that this was not the most common start of teenagers touching each other, now that Jesse had brought it up, it _was_ out there. 

I drowned Jesse’s protests in another kiss, and when we came up for air again, I was already fingering the waist band of Jesse’s sweat pants.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to” Jesse murmured in a small voice.

“I never said I didn’t want to” I pointed out, and with another look into Jesse’s eyes, I pulled the fabric in my fingers down his legs. 

I tried to inwardly kick my nerves when I saw Jesse’s erection exposed in front of me like this. Not the moment to get nervous. 

“You really don’t have to” Jesse repeated, his voice a little high.

“Shut up” I rolled my eyes, licking my lips absentmindedly and reaching out to touch him without all the layers between us. Jesse’s eyes fell closed again, and I stroked him once from base to tip, marveling in the way it made the muscles in his tummy tighten visibly. 

Then, I positioned myself more comfortable between his legs before leaning in until my lips touched his tip. I could taste his precum on the slit and it was strangely exciting, so I let my tongue travel out to lick the slit, making Jesse moan and fist the covers underneath him. 

Encouraged by his reaction, I bobbed my head down, taking him in slowly. The feeling was a little weird, but Jesse’s breathing going out of control and one of his hands grabbing my hair distracted me enough to get over it quickly. Still, I covered the base with my fingers, not too keen on starting to gag because I took him in too deep, and started to suck him up and down, quickly finding a rhythm that worked for me. 

Jesse started shaking under my ministrations, and his hand in my hair tightened to a point that it was almost painful, but I did not say anything, concentrating on my task. And it was a dazzling feeling, to be able to make Jesse fall apart like this, and to know that all of this, his rapid breathing, his muffled moans and squirming were all for me. 

“I’m going to come in like 5 seconds” he warned me after a while, predictably not holding out very long, but it was okay, this was not about endurance. So I squeezed my fingers just that tiny bit tighter and sucked just that little bit harder, and Jesse came, rocking his hips into my mouth as he arched his back. 

At first, it all hit me in a sensitive place, but then I held his hips down and tried to breathe through it, and it was fine. I licked him clean before popping off and swallowing, looking up at Jesse, who was lying bonelessly in front of me, breathing raging. 

I smiled as I lay down next to him, stroking over his stomach and waiting until he calmed down.

“I’m sorry” he murmured, and I just smiled, shaking my head. 

“Good?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow, and Jesse laughed.

“Is this a trick question?”

I smirked, and Jesse leaned in to kiss me, and for a moment, I wondered if this was weird because I knew he could taste himself on my tongue, but then, again, I had just sucked off one of my best friends as my first sexual appearance. We were past weird. 

“So?” Jesse murmured when we broke apart to breathe again. “You want me to return the favor?”

I bit my lip to keep my grin in an acceptable grade.

“Only if you want to.”

***

“I’m so sorry, really!” I apologized to a weirdly dull Fuma the next day. “I am really a bad friend for walking out on you on your birthday, I guess…”

“It’s fine” Fuma murmured, biting his lip and frowning. I was just wondering if he was seriously mad at me when my phone vibrated. 

I quickly shot a look at it, and saw that it was a message from Jesse.

“ _I think I aced the exam!_ ” he wrote. “ _I guess your tries for distraction were really worth something, after all. Wanna come over tonight to distract me from my math exam?”_

I could not help but smirk, and Fuma studied my face with a serious expression. When I noticed him looking, I quickly packed the phone away, murmuring: “It’s just Jesse. He thinks he passed the exam.”

Fuma just continued studying my expression, before he blurted out, not unlike Jesse a few months before: “Is there something going on between you and Lewis?” 

I blushed a little and grinned sheepishly.

“Is it that obvious?” I asked embarrassedly.

“A little” Fuma admitted with a tiny smile. “You seem happy.”

“I am” I said truthfully.

“Good” Fuma sighed. “Otherwise I’d have thrown a jealousy fit.”

I laughed and pushed Fuma’s shoulder playfully, feeling as light as never before in Fuma’s presence.

**Author's Note:**

> Liked it? :) Really curious to hear your thoughts!


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